I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Tuesday, December 01, 2015

Dating world equation

A friend and I are catching up during lunch and there's a lot to talk about.  Inevitably the conversation veers towards relationships, or those who aren't in them.  It's a complicated world, but I tell her a lot of it comes down to a simple equation.

"The dating world is full of fives who think they're 10s, and they're looking for an 11." I say between sips of water.

"Oh my God, it's so true," my friend, R, laughs while patting the table with her hand.

"It's like, oh this guy is a rich supermodel, who is smart, nice, funny, great in bed with a 12-inch penis... but I think I want a guy with a 13-inch penis."

She laughs, again.

"That shit doesn't add up," I say as I nod my head.  "No wonder why so many people are single: they're always looking for something better when they don't even realize what they have."

I take another bite of my lunch then finish off my thought.

"And all of that," I swirl my fork in the air, "I can understand if you're Bradley Cooper, or something.  But, R, these guys ain't Bradley Cooper."  Fuck, they're barely Brad Garrett, I think, but don't say out loud for fear that Brad Garrett is within hearing distance.

The grass is always greener on the other side, but what if there's no grass, let alone another side?  These people don't care since they're deluded to think they'll always be a catch no matter how old they get.  Get some realistic standards because no one finds a 50-year-old hunting down 20 year olds to be particularly attractive.

Now, that's simple math.